Communion for me is like taking castor oil. Good for the innards but there are definitely aspects I don't like. It's a love-hate thing.
The parts that I love should be well-known to any consistent church-goer. The effect of forgiveness on a burdened soul is unspeakable. The joy of closeness to God is a river in the savaged wasteland of a post-Fall humanity. The reminder of why Jesus had to die is painful, but necessary so that the gratitude and love may correspond accordingly. The often unmentioned eschatological side to communion offers hope to the sin-weary spirit.
But the parts I hate are more nefarious. It's easy to look holy during communion - imitating the closed, tearful eyes of the truly penitent. It's easy to grab the bread and the cup when you should have let them pass. Drinking judgment on yourself is a scary thing, but not as scary as others knowing you're in sin.
I need to die to the image I try to portray.
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